Posts Tagged ‘Find friends’

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Learn To Write In The Sand

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

It really does sadden me how many friendships are ruined by grudge holding. So much so that I may have even brushed across the subject on here before, but just the other day I heard of a friend of mine who had made friends with her sister after not speaking to her in over seven years.

That sounds like it should be a good news story and in many ways I guess it is but I cannot help thinking thinking of those seven years wasted. During that time one of the sisters gave birth to two little boys neither of whom has ever met their aunt. I wonder if whatever they fought about was really worth losing the start of a magical relationship with two nephews. Somehow I doubt it.

I heard a story not long ago that contains a moral that is a lesson for all of us.

Two friends were walking in the desert when they had a big argument. The first slapped the second across the face. Immediately the wronged friend took a stick and wrote in the sand “Today my best friend slapped my face”. The first friend was puzzled but they walked on.

They soon came across and an oasis and were so excited they recklessly jumped in. The slapped friend was not having a very good day. He could not swim. The first friend hauled him from the water and applied CPR. After some time the second friend, who had stopped breathing took a shaky breath.

_sand_writing_on_the_beach_postcard-p239729627447997722qibm_400

As soon as the second friend recovered sufficiently he took a chisel to a rock and engraved on the rock face “ Today my friend saved my life”.

The second friend was again puzzled and asked “ Why when I do something hurtful to you do you write in sand and when I do something good,  you write on rock?”

The second friend said “ When a friend does you wrong write about it in the sand and let the wind of forgiveness blow it away. When a friend does something good and kind engrave it in your heart and let no wind or storm take it from you”

Some of you may ask why? If a friend wrongs me then surely I have a right to be angry and never forget their actions? Why should I remember the good things my friends do and strive to forget the bad. I am afraid my philosophy on that is quite self serving; because you will be happier that way.

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Posted in Find friends, Friend search, Readers stories | 7 Comments »

Not All My Best Friends Are People

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

 

Friends Forever

Friends Forever

 

 

 

I am not really an animal lover. That is not to say that I don’t like animals, just that there is only one type I truly love and that is dogs. As I sit here writing this with one of my dogs curled up on each of my feet keeping my toes warm I am struck by the fact that humans and dogs are the very best of matches. I want to share a story I once heard with you.

A man and his dog were transported to the after life at the same time and when they arrived things were very confusing, understandably. Very few people get a practice run at the after life. The man and his dog found themselves at the top of a long, winding, seemly endless road. The sun was bright in the sky and there were plenty of good smells in the air. It was a perfect day for a walk so the man and his dog set off down the road to see what they could find. 

After awhile they came to a gate. behind the gate was a man in flowing, pristine white robes. Beyond the gate the man could see a lovely shaded area with a cool inviting lake. He looked at the gate keeper and said “May we enter, the day is awfully warm and my dog and I could do with a cool drink and maybe a swim in that lovely lake of yours”. The man in white beamed a huge smile and said ” You, of course, are welcome. But I afraid there are no dogs allowed in Heaven” The man with the dog was surprised to hear that this was Heaven but he was down right shocked to find out that heaven did not allow dogs. He said to the gate keeper, ” This dog has been my life long friend, he has stuck by me through thick and thin. He even died trying to save me. I will go nowhere he is not allowed.” . The gatekeeper shook his head sadly. “You are condemning yourself to a very sad eternity my friend,” he said, “nowhere in heaven accepts dogs. You will be wandering this long, hot road forever”. But the man stubbornly refused to be parted from his dog and moved off down the road.

After sometime the man and his dog came across another gate, with a kindly looking old man standing next to it. Before the man with the dog could speak the gate was thrown open and a voice that belied the gatekeeper’s small statue bellowed ” Both of you are welcome to Heaven”. The man with the dog exclaimed in surprise ”This is Heaven? The gatekeeper down the road said his place was, and it did not allow dogs”. The old man let out a chuckle “It is a very effective system we have going here. You were first greeted by the devil and told a pack of lies. I don’t mind that he gets to go first because frankly anyone who would abandon a life long friend on dusty, hot road for the promise of comforts deserves to spend the rest of eternity in the company of the devil”

The man and the dog entered Heaven together, just as it should be.

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Posted in Famous friend searches, Friend search, Readers stories | 1 Comment »

Socrates and The Test Of Gossip

Monday, December 14th, 2009

socrates

 

Most of you will have heard about the great and wise man who was Socrates of Ancient Greece. Thinking about what I was going to say to day I was saddened by the thought that so many good friendships are ruined by idle gossip. A lot of people think that you are only guitly of gossiping if they are actually doing the talking. In his own wise way though Socrates showed people this was not true and his attitude to gossip about a friend is represented in this story.

 

One day a man approached Socrates and begged an audience with him, as he had something vital to tell him. Socrates asked the man what the thing of vital importance was about and the man replied “your friend”. Socrates contemplated this answer a moment and then said to the visitor. “ I may allow you to tell me this thing but first I need you to answer some questions. The man agreed so Socrates posed his first question “ Are you certain that the thing you are about to tell me about my friend is true.” The visitor thought about it and shook his head and said “I cannot be certain as it is something I over heard”.

 

Socrates took in the answer and said, “I may still allow you to tell me but first two more questions. Is the thing you are about to tell me about my friend something that casts them in a good light?” The vistor shook his head vigourously this time and said “On the contrary”. 

 

Socrates had just one more question for the visitor “ Is the information you are about to give me something that is useful?”. The man’s reply was “ No not really”. Socrates held the visitors eye and said to him “I am not interested in what you have to say. Why would I want to listen to you tell me something that is neither true, good or useful about someone I consider a friend?

 

I think we can all learn a lot from Socrates. It is not just the uttering of hurtful gossip that is wrong. Even listening to it can seem like an act of betrayal. If someone is talking to you about a friend of yours you could do worse that to pass what they are saying through the triple filter test that Socrates outlined in order to decide if you want to listen to any more. 

 

Walking away from gossip that does not pass this test is an act of true friendship.

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Posted in Famous friend searches, Find friends, Friend search | 13 Comments »

Monday, November 30th, 2009

 

I just love that section from the Poo movie not to mention the song which I think Carly Simon had something to do with? Please correct me if I am wrong. I just included it here to give all my readers a little lift.

My research looking for lost friends takes me to some very interesting places and throws up some facinating ideas that people have on the subject of friends and what that word really means. I wanted today to share a few things that I have seen this week that have touched me in one way or another.

Such lovely innocence

Such lovely innocence

I liked this image because it reminded me what a thing of beauty a childhood friendship is. In a way they are the easiest ones to have because the troubles and responsibilities of adult life have not yet had a chance to interfere. Perhaps that is why so few of them survive. If you have a friendship that has survived since childhood you really should cherish it.
Other times it is not the image that touches me so much as the words. People really do write some pofound stuff on this subject. For example I found this quotation on a site and I thought it was particularly fitting for our site.
Friendship is about quality not quantity; never forget that or one day you may wake up to find that you have let a diamond slip through your fingers while you were busy trying to hold on to the stones.
 
As sad as it it is to say I think I collected a few stones and lost a few diamonds on my travels through life and I sure do miss those diamonds. I guess in a way the analogy is flawed as you would like to think you could tell the difference between diamonds and rocks but it is not that easy with people. You have to look a little more closely and listen more to what your instincts tell you.
The point is that if you have lost a true friend, unlike the diamonds in the quote, they do not have to stay lost. You can use sites such as this and others to try to locate them and remedy your error.
Just the other day I was chatting about a friend I had not seen in many, many years and wondering what had happened to them. The very next day they contacted me on facebook. It was almost spooky, but certainly most welcome.

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Posted in Find friends, Friend search | 2 Comments »

What Is A Friend

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

As a former teacher and now someone with an abundance of nephews, I am often on the lookout for teaching aids for difficult concepts. Especially abstract ones such as friendship.

While I was trawling my favourite sites I found this link to a short video another teacher had made to try and sum up what a friend actually is to her, obviously, young class. Clearly most of us are well past the age where anyone sits us down and gives us a presentation on what it means to be a good friend but I was struck by the idea that perhaps even for us ‘grown ups’ the concept could stand some revision every now and again. Have a look.

Sometimes we really do need to get back to basics to see what is really important. The first point is so true and we often forget it. A simple compliment can do wonders and a good friend knows that the time you most need one may well be the very same time you least deserve it. And they give you one anyway.

In my house it was against the rules to ‘let’ someone win at a game, that sort of winning had to be earned on its own merits but there are other ways of winning that have nothing to do with actual competition. We can all do with a ‘win’ in life sometimes and if we are being true to our friendship with someone we will recognize the opportunity to help someone achieve that. Even if it means backing down from an argument.

OK the point about remembering your birthday may seem to apply more to kids than adult relationships, though I have to admit you are in big trouble if you forget mine, but we all want to feel special sometimes. If you are a good friend you will take every opportunity to do that for the people you love even if it is not their birthday.

The most important thing this video says though, hands down the most vital aspect of friendship is that your friends are supposed to be fun to be with and make you smile. Believe it or not I actually think we forget this all too often in our friendships. Friends are about fun. Sure sometimes you have to do the tough things and point out a problem in someone’s life or tell them a hard truth, but that is not your primary role.

If you find that you are spending a huge amount of time trying to ’sort out’ your friends lives, then you are forgetting the basic premise of friendship. Making people smile and helping them enjoy life. That is the vital stuff, hopefully if we get that right everything else will eventually slide into place.

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Posted in Find friends, Friend search, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

The Right Kind Of Friends

Saturday, November 21st, 2009

While surfing the net, as I do a lot, I found this video by country and western singer Tracy Lawrence. In the song he is singing about how you know when someone is really your friend. True to good country and western style he is expressing his idea of true friendship in a practical and pragmatic way. Which of your friends would drive a hundred miles to pick you up if your car broke down?

Though most of us may not choose to decide on our friends based entirely on this basis the premise of what he is saying remains true. Some people claim to be your friends but when things get tough they are nowhere to be found.

My father used to say that there was nothing wrong with having a few of these fairweather friends, friendship is also about having a good time and some people are really only good for that but make sure you know which type of friends is which. Ask your self the same question about each one of your friends ” If I was in real trouble would I be happy if this person was the only one there with me”. It is funny but each time I asked myself the question about a friend I instantly knew the answer and I was rarely proven wrong.

It takes all kinds of friends to make your living a happy experience and they all serve a purpose but when you find one of these friends that you know you can count on to stick by you through thick or thin, you know you really have something special.

Sometimes life may get in the way of that friendship and people get misplaced but I like to think that if the friendship was a true one you are destined to re find that friend, especially if you are prepared to put in a little effort. So, if you have lost a mate that you know would have driven a hundred miles to pick you up when your car broke down then perhaps it is time you found them again. They are rare and you need them in your life.

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are – Tracy Lawrence

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn’t know
This is where the truth don’t lie

{Chorus}
You find out who your friends are
Somebody’s gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ or ‘it’s way too far’
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you’re up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
and see who’s around then

This ain’t where the road comes to an end
This ain’t where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

{Chorus}

When the water’s high
When the weather’s not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who’s gonna be there?

{Chorus}

You find out who your friends are
(yeah, yeah)
You find out who your friends are

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
(Well man, I’ve been there)
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
(Man, I’ve been there)

Man, I’ve been there
Oooh yeah.

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Posted in Find friends, Find siblings, Friend search | 2 Comments »

Take Time To Thank Someone

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

As we’re approaching Thanksgiving here in the states, we quite often think about the things and people we’re thankful for. Whether it’s been a year full of challenges and difficulties, or a year that’s been exciting, it’s good to reflect on the things you’re thankful for.

As I think back over the past few months, I’m thankful for…God, family, friends who love me unconditionally, the smile of my one year old great niece, the colors of autumn, my jobs, my house, the small pond outback, and the list goes on.

One person I am especially thankful for is my aunt. Melvena is my mother’s sister and has become like a mom to me after losing my mother to cancer in 2000. During the warmer months, we live in the same town and talk almost every day. We try to go out to dinner at least once every couple of weeks and we enjoy playing card games together. We have done some traveling. When I need advice or just need to vent, Melvena is very willing to listen. She’s honest with her answers and helps me to consider options that I’m not always aware of. She is a best friend and mother wrapped up in one.

Who are you especially thankful for? A family member? A friend? A teacher? How about dropping a line, sending an email or making a call and letting that person know how special he/she is. It will do you both good, and it may be something that that person really needs to hear.

If you have lost track of where the person lives, let us help you. Do a search on www.justisry.com. Tell someone thanks while you still have a chance.

Listen to your heart…

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Posted in Find friends, Find siblings, Friend search, Readers stories, Reunion Stories | 1 Comment »

Making Yesterday’s Memory, Tomorrow’s Destiny

Friday, November 13th, 2009

Are you thinking about searching for someone? Is there a person you’ve encountered and you just can’t stop wondering about him or her? Do you find yourself getting lost in thoughts of “what if”? Do you desire to be with someone?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then what’s stopping you? Sometimes the other person doesn’t have a clue that you are interested in him/her. Weeks, months and years can go by and nothing comes of the relationship. However, if you take a chance on expressing interest in the person, the relationship might take off! And if nothing happens, at least you’ll ease the questions swarming around in your mind.

Such is the case with Dale and Suzanne…

Dale was a truck driver and twice a month made a delivery in the small southern town that Suzanne lived in. Each time he was in town, he stopped at the local restaurant where Suzanne was a waitress. The first time she took his order, Dale was taken in by Suzanne’s southern accent and big smile. They would chat about the states that he recently drove through and how his kids were doing.

Each time Dale left the restaurant, he felt a yearning in his heart. He wondered what life would be like with Suzanne. She was easy to talk with, her quirky laugh made him laugh, and he noticed no wedding ring. Suzanne found herself thinking of Dale as well…he was attentive, a loving father…and obviously must be married.

After a year or so of this routine, Dale finally decided to take a chance. After enjoying his usual toasted cheese sandwich and curly fries and chatting with Suzanne and some of the local customers, Dale pulled out his wallet to pay the bill. He also pulled out a note that read, “Suzanne, I need to see you. If you’re available, please meet me in the lounge of Highland’s Hotel tonight after you’re out of work. Dale” He then tucked the note in between the dollars.

A few minutes later when Suzanne cleared Dale’s dishes and picked up the money, she discovered the note. Although she felt a rush of excitement at the thought of Dale having interest in her, she then became furious that a married man wanted to see her. Seeing the odd look on Suzanne’s face, another waitress, Traci, asked what was wrong. Traci had also talked with Dale several times and felt he was a decent man. She encouraged Suzanne to meet him and to at least find out whether or not he was married.

After going home and changing her clothes, Suzanne showed up at the lounge. Dale had changed his clothes as well and stood before her with a dozen roses. He invited her to sit down and for the next several hours they chatted. Yes, Suzanne found out that Dale’s wife had passed away. His sister actually had moved into the home to help care for his children while he was on the road.

Within a few months, Dale proposed to Suzanne and she accepted. Just recently they celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary. And just like they did on the past 19 anniversaries, Dale and Suzanne talk about “what if” he never left that note.

So what are your “what if’s”? Is there someone you want to get in touch with? Let www.justisry.com help you!!! Let us help make yesterday’s memory, tomorrow’s destiny.

Listen to your heart…

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Posted in Find friends, Readers stories, Reunion Stories | 2 Comments »

Sound Advice from Australia For Finding Friends

Friday, November 13th, 2009
Popular Aussie Morning show: Segment on finding friends

Popular Aussie Morning show: Segment on finding friends

This week a popular morning program shot in Sydney had a whole segment on finding old friends, how to do it, why we do it and the merits of doing it.

They talked about some of the ways we can catch up with old friends and we have looked at a lot of them in previous posts, Facebook and Twitter were mentioned and the ways they can be used. What I found most interesting though was the talk on the psychological reasons people feel a need to reconnect with people from their past.

For most of us the desire to find old friends is coming from quite a healthy place. We just want to catch up and see what our friend is up to. If a bigger relationship grows from this then it would be fine. For others though their drive is not quite so balanced. For example, the psychologist pointed out that there are those people who want to find someone just so they can prove a point. Usually how much better they have done in life than the other person. This often stems from a sense of inadequacy experienced around this person when they were younger and it can be very unhealthy. If you are looking for someone for that reason you may actually be better to let it go and if you are still determined to find them be careful it does not turn into an obsession.

The other thing the psychologist warned against was unreasonable expectations. It is important that you prepare yourself mentally for realistic outcomes. If the person you are searching for is someone you have previously had a relationship with you need to be prepared for the fact that they may now be with someone else and want nothing more than friendship from you. Even if the person was simply a friend it is a sad truth that people change and they may be very different from the person you lost contact with all those years ago.

It is true to say that actually neither of these things are inherently bad outcomes. Friendship is a very valuable thing and can easily play just as an important role in our lives as a relationship. And even though your friend may have changed there is nothing to say that the changes are not something you will quite like; after all I am sure you have changed too.

So long as you have healthy and realistic expectations of the things that could happen when you find the person you are searching for then I feel there is nothing to lose and everything to gain from continuing your search and that seemed to be the feelings of the psychologist too. So have a little bit of an examination of your motives and your expectation and then happy searching!

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Posted in Find friends, Find siblings, Friend search | 2 Comments »

An Unusal Way To Find Royalty

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

The lengths some people will go to to contact an old friend.

The lengths some people will go to to contact an old friend.

Most of us are trawling the usual channels to find our old friends. Some people, however, come up with some very inventive methods. I guess it depends who you are searching for.

An old friend of Camilla Parker Bowles, now wife of Prince Charles made sure that she reconnected with her old mate. The now Duchess of Cornwall was faced with this blast from her teenage past as she did a walkaround in Victoria, British Columbia on her present tour of Canadia.

The enterprising former friend of the Duchess held a sign that said ” Camillia, Lottie here. Remember Mon Fertile 1963-64.” The sign referred to a time in Camilla’s past when she attended a Swiss finishing school with the lady holding the sign, Ms Charlotte Ericson.

Ms Ericson remembers those school days well and recalls that

“We were just typical crazy teenage girls, into the Beatles, hair, make-up and clothes.We would stay up late talking about the boys we fancied and eating Swiss chocolate and giggling.There were a lot of girls there and she would spend most of her time with the British girls, but we got to know each other.”

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Camillia grew up in Sussex and was educated in an exclusive British school for the early years of her life before heading off to this particular Swiss finishing school and then another one in France. The finishing school placed a lot of emphasise on learning sewing, typing and etiquette according to Ms Ericson who is quite sure that these skills have held Camilla in good stead for her present role as the Duchess.

Ms Ericson was thrilled to catch up with her old friends and stated that she would be getting on the phone to other former school friends of Camilla’s to tell them she has spoken to her.

Camilla held up her walkabout to stand and chat with her old friend, proving that no matter how famous you may be we are all partial to a bit of nostalgia from time to time.

This was an extraordinary length for Ms Lottie Ericson to go to to find an old friend but she certainly seemed to think it was worth it. Most of us will not have to do anything nearly as public to make contact with whoever we are searching for. Which is probably just as well as I know I, for one would not have the stomach for doing something like that.

But just because our lost friends are less famous does not mean our searches are any less important. I am loving reading all the comments that people are leaving and am so keen to hear more about how all your searches are progressing.

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Posted in Famous friend searches, Find friends, Find siblings, Friend search, Readers stories, Reunion Stories | 6 Comments »

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