Posts Tagged ‘family’

Learn To Write In The Sand

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

It really does sadden me how many friendships are ruined by grudge holding. So much so that I may have even brushed across the subject on here before, but just the other day I heard of a friend of mine who had made friends with her sister after not speaking to her in over seven years.

That sounds like it should be a good news story and in many ways I guess it is but I cannot help thinking thinking of those seven years wasted. During that time one of the sisters gave birth to two little boys neither of whom has ever met their aunt. I wonder if whatever they fought about was really worth losing the start of a magical relationship with two nephews. Somehow I doubt it.

I heard a story not long ago that contains a moral that is a lesson for all of us.

Two friends were walking in the desert when they had a big argument. The first slapped the second across the face. Immediately the wronged friend took a stick and wrote in the sand “Today my best friend slapped my face”. The first friend was puzzled but they walked on.

They soon came across and an oasis and were so excited they recklessly jumped in. The slapped friend was not having a very good day. He could not swim. The first friend hauled him from the water and applied CPR. After some time the second friend, who had stopped breathing took a shaky breath.

_sand_writing_on_the_beach_postcard-p239729627447997722qibm_400

As soon as the second friend recovered sufficiently he took a chisel to a rock and engraved on the rock face “ Today my friend saved my life”.

The second friend was again puzzled and asked “ Why when I do something hurtful to you do you write in sand and when I do something good,  you write on rock?”

The second friend said “ When a friend does you wrong write about it in the sand and let the wind of forgiveness blow it away. When a friend does something good and kind engrave it in your heart and let no wind or storm take it from you”

Some of you may ask why? If a friend wrongs me then surely I have a right to be angry and never forget their actions? Why should I remember the good things my friends do and strive to forget the bad. I am afraid my philosophy on that is quite self serving; because you will be happier that way.

Christmas Rush

Thursday, December 17th, 2009

Christmas time. Some people look forward to this time of year with great anticipation. They plan in advance when to go shopping, when to write Christmas cards and when they’ll invite guests over. For some, Christmas is a stressful time…the boss wants you to work overtime, you haven’t even thought about shopping yet, money is tight and you’re thinking about skipping the Christmas tree this year.

If you’re feeling more on the stressful side, here are some thoughts and ideas to consider…
• minimal decorating is fine (i.e. wreath on front door, a Christmas tree, candles on the mantle)
• consider Christmas ecards in place of snail mail cards
• purchase gift cards to have on hand for those unexpected times you need a gift
• give “coupons” as a gift (i.e. movie night, free babysitting)
• keep Christmas dinner simple
• give a family gift to friends rather than individual gifts (i.e. a couple of DVDs, popcorn, soda)
• enjoy your time with family and friends–don’t fret over cleaning your house
• attend a Christmas Eve service
• make a shopping list and refrain from impulse buying

A few years ago I really had to do some self-assessing regarding Christmas. I was sending about 200 Christmas cards, bought gifts for just about everyone I knew, planned way too many get-togethers and found myself resenting Christmas. When I reflected on the true meaning of Christmas, my priorities shifted. I drastically reduced my Christmas card list, I exchange gifts with mainly family, and I don’t host get-togethers. (I host parties/cookouts throughout the year.) What a difference it has made!!!

Last year our church decided to hold a Christmas Day Community Dinner. It was one of my best Christmases ever! People were appreciative of the meal, Christmas caroling and the gifts. I played games with some of the kids who just needed to know that someone cared about them. We’re doing a dinner again this year and I expect it will be the highlight of my day.

May this week before Christmas be a positive one for you. May you truly enjoy the season.

Listen to your heart…

Not All My Best Friends Are People

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

 

Friends Forever

Friends Forever

 

 

 

I am not really an animal lover. That is not to say that I don’t like animals, just that there is only one type I truly love and that is dogs. As I sit here writing this with one of my dogs curled up on each of my feet keeping my toes warm I am struck by the fact that humans and dogs are the very best of matches. I want to share a story I once heard with you.

A man and his dog were transported to the after life at the same time and when they arrived things were very confusing, understandably. Very few people get a practice run at the after life. The man and his dog found themselves at the top of a long, winding, seemly endless road. The sun was bright in the sky and there were plenty of good smells in the air. It was a perfect day for a walk so the man and his dog set off down the road to see what they could find. 

After awhile they came to a gate. behind the gate was a man in flowing, pristine white robes. Beyond the gate the man could see a lovely shaded area with a cool inviting lake. He looked at the gate keeper and said “May we enter, the day is awfully warm and my dog and I could do with a cool drink and maybe a swim in that lovely lake of yours”. The man in white beamed a huge smile and said ” You, of course, are welcome. But I afraid there are no dogs allowed in Heaven” The man with the dog was surprised to hear that this was Heaven but he was down right shocked to find out that heaven did not allow dogs. He said to the gate keeper, ” This dog has been my life long friend, he has stuck by me through thick and thin. He even died trying to save me. I will go nowhere he is not allowed.” . The gatekeeper shook his head sadly. “You are condemning yourself to a very sad eternity my friend,” he said, “nowhere in heaven accepts dogs. You will be wandering this long, hot road forever”. But the man stubbornly refused to be parted from his dog and moved off down the road.

After sometime the man and his dog came across another gate, with a kindly looking old man standing next to it. Before the man with the dog could speak the gate was thrown open and a voice that belied the gatekeeper’s small statue bellowed ” Both of you are welcome to Heaven”. The man with the dog exclaimed in surprise ”This is Heaven? The gatekeeper down the road said his place was, and it did not allow dogs”. The old man let out a chuckle “It is a very effective system we have going here. You were first greeted by the devil and told a pack of lies. I don’t mind that he gets to go first because frankly anyone who would abandon a life long friend on dusty, hot road for the promise of comforts deserves to spend the rest of eternity in the company of the devil”

The man and the dog entered Heaven together, just as it should be.

Socrates and The Test Of Gossip

Monday, December 14th, 2009

socrates

 

Most of you will have heard about the great and wise man who was Socrates of Ancient Greece. Thinking about what I was going to say to day I was saddened by the thought that so many good friendships are ruined by idle gossip. A lot of people think that you are only guitly of gossiping if they are actually doing the talking. In his own wise way though Socrates showed people this was not true and his attitude to gossip about a friend is represented in this story.

 

One day a man approached Socrates and begged an audience with him, as he had something vital to tell him. Socrates asked the man what the thing of vital importance was about and the man replied “your friend”. Socrates contemplated this answer a moment and then said to the visitor. “ I may allow you to tell me this thing but first I need you to answer some questions. The man agreed so Socrates posed his first question “ Are you certain that the thing you are about to tell me about my friend is true.” The visitor thought about it and shook his head and said “I cannot be certain as it is something I over heard”.

 

Socrates took in the answer and said, “I may still allow you to tell me but first two more questions. Is the thing you are about to tell me about my friend something that casts them in a good light?” The vistor shook his head vigourously this time and said “On the contrary”. 

 

Socrates had just one more question for the visitor “ Is the information you are about to give me something that is useful?”. The man’s reply was “ No not really”. Socrates held the visitors eye and said to him “I am not interested in what you have to say. Why would I want to listen to you tell me something that is neither true, good or useful about someone I consider a friend?

 

I think we can all learn a lot from Socrates. It is not just the uttering of hurtful gossip that is wrong. Even listening to it can seem like an act of betrayal. If someone is talking to you about a friend of yours you could do worse that to pass what they are saying through the triple filter test that Socrates outlined in order to decide if you want to listen to any more. 

 

Walking away from gossip that does not pass this test is an act of true friendship.

Holiday Memories

Thursday, December 10th, 2009

What’s your favorite holiday? Which holiday holds special memories? In different parts of the world, we will soon be celebrating Christmas or Hanukah.

Being the youngest of four children, my believing in Santa Claus was short lived. My brothers felt it was their duty to let me know that mom and dad put presents under the tree from Santa. I remember for a few years, in spite of what they said, I would climb out of my cozy bed around midnight just to check to see if I could catch Santa and his reindeer flying by my window.

On Christmas morning, we (the kids) weren’t allowed to go downstairs before 5:00 AM. At about 4:50 AM we began to line the stairs. Because I was the youngest, I got to sit the closest to the downstairs door. My sister had to sit at the top of the stairs. At 5:00 AM sharp, dad would holler, “I wonder if our precious children are awake yet?” He then would open the door and let us come down the stairs. We would run to our stockings and “ooohhh” and “aaahhh” over the many items stuffed in them. I still don’t know how my parents could stuff so much into a stocking. I could never fit it all back in again.

After our stockings, we enjoyed a big breakfast. Dad’s gift to each one of us was to tell us specifically what he loved about us. I remember at times, we would roll our eyes as he spoke, thinking this was so uncool, but deep inside, we appreciated his words. Now that my dad is gone, I especially treasure the many kind words that he said about each one of us.

Next was present time! Once again, being the youngest, I had the duty of handing out gifts. I rarely saw my parents unwrap gifts–they were enjoying watching us open our gifts. As a kid, I felt like we had tons of gifts! Even though some were socks, pens, toothbrushes, etc., I just saw them as gifts. Many years later, my mom expressed how money was tight growing up and she wish that they could’ve done more at Christmas time. I assured her that the traditions that we had were a priceless gift and that I never felt like we had little.

Christmas afternoons we would usually go visit my grandparents. We each could take one new toy with us. We then enjoyed a turkey dinner and played games or watched a movie during the evening.

We’d love to hear about your holiday memories. How about commenting and letting us know?

Happy holidays!!!

International Hug Day!

Saturday, December 5th, 2009

christmasbear4Whoo ouuuu! Today is International Hug Day! So whether you’re reading this from Ireland, Canada, Australia, United States…happy hug day! Okay, I do admit that I wonder who creates all these silly holidays. I used to think Hallmark was the culprit, but I don’t think that even they could stay caught up with all the different special days! By the way, today is also “Cookie Day.”

So in the spirit of today, be sure to hug a family member and a friend. How about sending a hug ecard to a relative?

Here’s some thoughts about hugs…
• hug someone at least once a day and twice on a rainy day
• you can’t give a hug without getting one
• hug with a smile
• bedtime hugs help chase away bad dreams
• there are good hugs and great hugs
• a snuggle is a longish hug
• never hug tomorrow someone you could hug today
• hugs are free
• everyone could benefit from at least 3 hugs a day — up to 8 is even better!
• if you’re not comfortable with giving a hug, than consider “hugging” through a kind word, a touch, a thank you, a smile, a “may I help you?” or some kind gesture

.Happy hugs!

Listen to your heart…

Happy Thanksgiving Friends

Thursday, November 26th, 2009

cornucopia-colorTo our American friends, happy Thanksgiving. May your day be filled with love and gratitude as you spend time with family and friends.

To our friends from other countries, we’d love to learn about your major holidays…the name of the holiday, the day it’s celebrated on, and the reason for the holiday. How about posting a comment and letting us know?

Listen to your heart…

The Right Kind Of Friends

Saturday, November 21st, 2009

While surfing the net, as I do a lot, I found this video by country and western singer Tracy Lawrence. In the song he is singing about how you know when someone is really your friend. True to good country and western style he is expressing his idea of true friendship in a practical and pragmatic way. Which of your friends would drive a hundred miles to pick you up if your car broke down?

Though most of us may not choose to decide on our friends based entirely on this basis the premise of what he is saying remains true. Some people claim to be your friends but when things get tough they are nowhere to be found.

My father used to say that there was nothing wrong with having a few of these fairweather friends, friendship is also about having a good time and some people are really only good for that but make sure you know which type of friends is which. Ask your self the same question about each one of your friends ” If I was in real trouble would I be happy if this person was the only one there with me”. It is funny but each time I asked myself the question about a friend I instantly knew the answer and I was rarely proven wrong.

It takes all kinds of friends to make your living a happy experience and they all serve a purpose but when you find one of these friends that you know you can count on to stick by you through thick or thin, you know you really have something special.

Sometimes life may get in the way of that friendship and people get misplaced but I like to think that if the friendship was a true one you are destined to re find that friend, especially if you are prepared to put in a little effort. So, if you have lost a mate that you know would have driven a hundred miles to pick you up when your car broke down then perhaps it is time you found them again. They are rare and you need them in your life.

You Find Out Who Your Friends Are – Tracy Lawrence

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare

This is where the rubber meets the road
This is where the cream is gonna rise
This is what you really didn’t know
This is where the truth don’t lie

{Chorus}
You find out who your friends are
Somebody’s gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ or ‘it’s way too far’
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

Everybody wants to slap your back
wants to shake your hand
when you’re up on top of that mountain
But let one of those rocks give way then you slide back down look up
and see who’s around then

This ain’t where the road comes to an end
This ain’t where the bandwagon stops
This is just one of those times when
A lot of folks jump off

{Chorus}

When the water’s high
When the weather’s not so fair
When the well runs dry
Who’s gonna be there?

{Chorus}

You find out who your friends are
(yeah, yeah)
You find out who your friends are

Run your car off the side of the road
Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
(Well man, I’ve been there)
Or get yourself in a bind lose the shirt off your back
Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare
(Man, I’ve been there)

Man, I’ve been there
Oooh yeah.

Take Time To Thank Someone

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

As we’re approaching Thanksgiving here in the states, we quite often think about the things and people we’re thankful for. Whether it’s been a year full of challenges and difficulties, or a year that’s been exciting, it’s good to reflect on the things you’re thankful for.

As I think back over the past few months, I’m thankful for…God, family, friends who love me unconditionally, the smile of my one year old great niece, the colors of autumn, my jobs, my house, the small pond outback, and the list goes on.

One person I am especially thankful for is my aunt. Melvena is my mother’s sister and has become like a mom to me after losing my mother to cancer in 2000. During the warmer months, we live in the same town and talk almost every day. We try to go out to dinner at least once every couple of weeks and we enjoy playing card games together. We have done some traveling. When I need advice or just need to vent, Melvena is very willing to listen. She’s honest with her answers and helps me to consider options that I’m not always aware of. She is a best friend and mother wrapped up in one.

Who are you especially thankful for? A family member? A friend? A teacher? How about dropping a line, sending an email or making a call and letting that person know how special he/she is. It will do you both good, and it may be something that that person really needs to hear.

If you have lost track of where the person lives, let us help you. Do a search on www.justisry.com. Tell someone thanks while you still have a chance.

Listen to your heart…

Consider Mentoring

Monday, November 16th, 2009

Want to have a positive impact on a child’s or teen’s life? Want to experience the joy of seeing a boy hit a baseball for the first time, a girl read an entire book without errors, or a teen give up smoking? You can make the difference in someone’s life!

Each one of us has interests and talents that can be shared with someone else. If you love to read, then consider being a Literacy Volunteer or volunteer in a classroom to assist students who need extra help. Really good at baking? Teach a group of girls how to make a scrumptious pie or yummy cinnamon rolls. Love to camp? Volunteer to go on a camping trip with the local Boy Scouts. Not only will you be helping someone, you will feel good for doing so!

In the United States, 2.4 million children under the age of 12, go home from school to an empty house. Quite often these kids attempt to do homework on their own and may be responsible for fixing dinner or babysitting their siblings. Is there a family in your neighborhood who could use your help? Perhaps it’s a single mom who is working a minimum wage job. Why not offer to assist the kids with their homework during the week?

Some other possibilities…Big Brother/Big Sister program, Sunday School teacher, after school intramural sports, community center, children’s home, public library, or a youth center. As with any type of volunteering, you may need to go through an orientation or workshop before you can work with children.

Over the past few years I have been tutoring Ashleigh. In second grade, Ashleigh was having difficulties with reading comprehension and math. I worked with her on different strategies to remember what she read and we did a lot of math games. In fourth grade, Ashleigh was shy in class. We did some silly roleplaying and Ashleigh now loves to stand in front of her peers to give reports. Ashleigh is now in middle school and we work on homework together three times a week. When she easily whizzes through an assignment, she laughs at my “go girl” dance step. When she becomes frustrated with a new math concept, we turn it into fun with a math game. We giggle as we sip on McDonald’s chocolate milkshakes and she knows I listen to her when she talks about going to her dad’s for part of the week. Ashleigh is pulling all 90’s in her subjects. Her mother is thrilled and Ashleigh is proud of herself. I feel blessed–not because of her success, but because of the joy she brings into my life.

So, something to consider. If you have a couple of hours to spare, there’s an “Ashleigh” who needs you!

Listen to your heart…